Tears !! Although I Tried...

Well, it often happens that you don’t like to do anything. Your mental system shuts down and refuses to budge. It is stubborn and just wants to sit quietly in a corner ignoring everything around. Your self-esteem meter drops and you feel you are good for nothing. You just wish this world to stop or to be anxious about you and when it remains unperturbed, you become more irritated and sulky! Well, this is common and if you think you are the only one suffering, think again! Me too! You too! Perhaps, everyone around might have experienced this sinking feeling. It may or may not have a reason. Often, it’s without one. But, simply, it’s just the time you don’t know what’s wrong and also how to get your brains right. These are the times when you feel you have lost the ability to think or be happy. These moments are not just simply chemical imbalances but can be a result of some long term bad experiences in relationships that you have been through. Its important for you to understand that such feelings can be done away with. Or their effect reduced. How? Well, this day of mine was plagued with a feeling of incompleteness and putting myself down. All sorts of nonsense stuff which you know have no resemblance to your true self. What to do then? Well, I started out with nothing in my brain. Try not to think anything. Ahem… What did I say? I know I hurt too many people around me, but I was never selfish and I never had such intention to hurt people just because I will get something out of it. It was just that my purpose was little different what others may think or may never ever wud guess. May be I can never match the frequency with half of the people around me but when did I say that it’s required. Even though they think way too different from what my brain can accommodate but some moments make life dull when you are misunderstood. I love , I adore, I feel they are mine even when I can see myself on a way where my screams are restricted to me, myself and my lonely life. :( “Humne chhupne ki bahut koshishen ki, Kinaro se ladne ki bahut himmat ki, Par kismat ne hum pe aisi inayat ki, Ke Loot bhi gaye aur haste bhi rahe…”