Tears !! Although I Tried...

Well, it often happens that you don’t like to do anything. Your mental system shuts down and refuses to budge. It is stubborn and just wants to sit quietly in a corner ignoring everything around. Your self-esteem meter drops and you feel you are good for nothing. You just wish this world to stop or to be anxious about you and when it remains unperturbed, you become more irritated and sulky! Well, this is common and if you think you are the only one suffering, think again! Me too! You too! Perhaps, everyone around might have experienced this sinking feeling. It may or may not have a reason. Often, it’s without one. But, simply, it’s just the time you don’t know what’s wrong and also how to get your brains right. These are the times when you feel you have lost the ability to think or be happy. These moments are not just simply chemical imbalances but can be a result of some long term bad experiences in relationships that you have been through. Its important for you to understand that such feelings can be done away with. Or their effect reduced. How? Well, this day of mine was plagued with a feeling of incompleteness and putting myself down. All sorts of nonsense stuff which you know have no resemblance to your true self. What to do then? Well, I started out with nothing in my brain. Try not to think anything. Ahem… What did I say? I know I hurt too many people around me, but I was never selfish and I never had such intention to hurt people just because I will get something out of it. It was just that my purpose was little different what others may think or may never ever wud guess. May be I can never match the frequency with half of the people around me but when did I say that it’s required. Even though they think way too different from what my brain can accommodate but some moments make life dull when you are misunderstood. I love , I adore, I feel they are mine even when I can see myself on a way where my screams are restricted to me, myself and my lonely life. :( “Humne chhupne ki bahut koshishen ki, Kinaro se ladne ki bahut himmat ki, Par kismat ne hum pe aisi inayat ki, Ke Loot bhi gaye aur haste bhi rahe…”

Kuch Yaaden.......

1. Haste hue socha maine, yeh ansu kitne gehre hain.. Shaam dhal gayi aaj pehli baar uske bin, yeh baadal ab bhi intejaar me sunehre hain. 2. Shayad Unhone hume tanha chhod diya, ya fir tanhayiyon ne hame apna liya.... Wo to haskar jeete gaye zindagi , humne ghutkar khud ko hi maar liya... 3. Agar kabhi unhone hume hasraton se chaha hota, to shayad aaj wo khaas chehra humne dil se na hataya hota. 4. Ehsaah hai mujhe bhi un beeten palon ka, shayad jab pehli baar dil me meetha dard tha.. Aaj wo nahi hain mere paas par fir bhi wohi ehsaah hai , fark sirf itna hai ki pehle paane ka dard tha aur ab khone ka. -------------------------To be Contd......

The Lowest Ebb...

The last few days have been the lowest I have ever reached in life. Ever.And the most painful. Ever.So, I've been desperate earlier. And wretched. And miserable. Yet, little did I know that there would be a blacker day. The blackest of them all. Here to stay.This time around, there are no choices. No escape. Nothing. Yes, I have fought. All my life I have fought. Now, I have nothing left to fight for.I dreamt. I believed. I had faith. There is nothing left to believe in. STOP! Never needed to end my life. Now, there is no life to end.That is why I am writing this, right now. How long can I stop myself.I am breaking down.My tears have not stopped for the last three hours.And they won't for the rest of my life. Things can go so wrong so wrong so wrong so wrong so wrong so wrong so wrong God, Can I have an answer ?? Just an immensely corroded soul.No spirit.God, Can I please come to you?

Sorry...!!! Forgive me plz !!!!!

Oh I had alot to say Was thinking on my time... I missed you and things weren’t the same Cause everything inside it never comes out right And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die. I’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry you’re blue I’m sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can’t take it back I love your words, the way you make my world go ’round And I just wanted to say I’m sorry.

Is She ???

i saw an angel in my dreams, who comes to me whenever i need her, whenever i think of her, whom i think is closest to my soul, who can be the onewith whom i m just Myself ...... I dunno abt how she looks and all, but she carries a beautiful heart, i wanna caress her hairs....and i wanna live my dreams wid her.... Just carry one doubt.. Will she step forward into my life cause i still feel lonely...

Me.... & Just Me................

With Friends @ my Bro's wedding....

Right To left : Robin,Anu,Saurabh,Surya,Money,BHABHI-ME-BHAI,Sudhakar,Harry,Mini,Preeti....

Pain or ??? I am just being Carried away....

I dnt wanna live no more There is nothing to keep me here I am so deluded and so far from the truth The way I want to live my life, it's just not happening I feel so depressed I want to do more for u . Instead I just get more n more down You have given me this life I thank you But Dear,Why can't I just lay my head in your lap And just be absorbed into you Why do I have to go thru this pain This pain hurts This pain I cannot take it no more The day I do become one with u I am gona cry so much So much..... -- Will u Come To mE Now ???

Am i Being Loved ??

Am almost lost…Curtains drawn..Interrupted sleep... Broken dreams...Moist and salted lips.. The air between us getting thin every moment.. Silence prevail… The unspoken utterances goes unheard.. The eyes speak… but your vision is blurred... Body.. soul.. mind.. everything hanging in air ..Lost in the space of time Restless sometimes… sometimes numb… All emotions becoming dumb.. Thoughts take shape.. but then again scatters. All broken pieces.. which I can’t gather.. The silence deepenThe thin air… becoming vacuum… Silence........& I am smiling... --

I M Not Begging U To Love Me........

I’m not begging you to love me. I’m not really even asking you. But, isn’t it alright if I cherish that hope in my heart? If I dream of just holding your hand, It will hurt me – not you. I will try to keep my eyes from shining when see you. And I promiseI will try not to smile a special smile When you say hello. But, please – don’t ask me not to love you.

STRANGERS

Everything is there, though nothing is as before. u r there n so am i , but the time is not as b4. gone r da days when u were with me, filling my life with treasures. once making me rich u walked away , stealing all my pleasures. holding ur hand i let myself get lost in your eyes n discovered a new life through momentary. the songs r there but the rythm is lost the eyes r there but the dreams are lost. everything is there, though everything is lost...........

SOMEONE IS THERE U KNOW........

Are u sometimes very upset, and do u believe u had no fault, n tired of hating yourselfwhen tears hurt, when u r injured deeplythen she comes...i dont know who....she's flaky, she's godly, she'll listen, she knows i know, she cares, loves me...she'll surely trust me....she cuddles me and lets me cry, she covers me,she protects me...she's just some energy, or perhaps she is my imagination: i hate to say which but she comes only in times when i am lost in thoughts...i dont even know why i am here, perhaps i am mad, or just badly injured...or mabe just simply too stupid but still, she's there u know....she doesnt leave me when i am hardest hit...she doesnt insult, she's too soft for that, she speaks huskily,and smiles and tells me that im worth....worth a million for her.... -- Will U be Mine ???